Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
