This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize