I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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