I seem to have left my pride at pride
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize