Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
