My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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