Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
