I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
