Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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