she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
