her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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