gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
