also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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