I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
