I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
