So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
