you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pants are for mortals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
