And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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