I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
