i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
