he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
