sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
