u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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