Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
