Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
