We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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