Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
