Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
