There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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