Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
