Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
