you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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