dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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