Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
