OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
