well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
