moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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