We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
