the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
