Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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