I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
