Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
