I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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