i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
