Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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