i don't like sucking hair
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
