new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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