I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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