So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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