I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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