A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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