I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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