where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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