She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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