Heybabeimwearingurpanties
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
