I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
