Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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