Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
