Four minutes until I can fart!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
