i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
