I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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