Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize