you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
