Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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