I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
