He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
