He is an equal opportunity slut.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
