Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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